Types of Transition: Social
A guide with some personal musings…
What is Social Transition?
Social transition covers many aspects of a trans person’s journey, but in short it’s the process of aligning one’s outward presentation and interactions with one’s true gender, especially within a social setting like school, job, or extracurricular activity. So basically, anything that isn’t covered by legal or medical transition. This can include coming out to other people, changing your wardrobe, or buying gender affirming products among other things. Social transition is usually the first ‘type’ of transition trans people go through as it doesn’t have any medical or legal hoops to jump through.
Why is Social Transition Important?
Social transition is often times the first way trans folks get to begin the process of affirming their gender identity. Things like masculine clothes or a short haircut can make or break a person, especially those waiting to begin legal and medical transition.
Social transition is also some of the first steps taken to combat gender dysphoria by aligning one’s pronouns, name, and outward appearance with their true gender. When a trans man/masc has someone else in their life that treats them as a man or nonbinary, it gives the trans man/masc gender euphoria which in turns lifts mood and decreases gender dysphoria. This applies internally as well. When I was beginning my social transition, wearing a men’s shirt or having my hair cut short made me feel better about myself, like I was beginning to reflect how I felt inside more outwardly.
Aspects of Social Transition
Name and Pronouns- Changing the name and pronoun set one uses can be beneficial in the process of social transition. It can help trans men/mascs feel more at peace with how they’re addressed. This also applies to gendered titles like Mr, uncle, brother, son, and nephew.
Haircut- I still remember my first big haircut. I got it shortly before I realized I was trans, but it felt like the voices in my head quieted down as the hairdresser cut my hair off. Granted, I didn’t get a masculine short cut, but it was short. Hair is a very outward expression of gender and sometimes having hair that reads as masculine can be the difference between being genders correctly or not.
Clothes- As with most things in this world, clothing is gendered. A trans man/masc may feel more confident and sure of themself wearing a pair of jeans from the men’s section. I’m using jeans as an example, but this applies to all types of clothing.
Gender Affirming Products- Buying gear like binders, Trans Tape, or packers not only help shift one’s outward appearance towards masculine, but also make the wearer feel less dysphoric about features typically associated with their assigned gender at birth.
Coming Out- Yes, coming out is an aspect of social transition! Making that leap beyond telling one person and alerting new people of your new name and pronouns is absolutely a part of social transition. In fact, I’d say it’s one of the most important aspects of social transition.
Gendered Spaces- Beginning to move to different gendered spaces like going from the women’s room to the men’s room or from being in Girl Scouts to Boy Scouts. This can happen as a part of social transition or (like I did) more a part of medical transition. This will depend on a lot of factors like local laws or how safe it may be where you live.
Navigating Social Transition
Social transition doesn’t have to be something you do all at one time, in fact you’ll more than likely begin different aspects of social transition at different times. Don’t feel like you have to do everything at once or even feel like you have to do everything. Like most things, social transition is customizable to each individual and you shouldn’t hold yourself to a specific standard because that’s what you feel like you’re supposed to do. If you stick with the same name throughout, that’s cool! If you change it twelve times that’s cool too!
You are going to see people online “giving advice” regarding things like passing, fashion, haircuts, and a million other things regarding transness. You don’t have to listen to them if that they’re saying doesn’t resonate with you. I learned this the hard way and spent a few years of my social transition feeling like I wasn’t being myself.
You’ll also most likely have other people in your life that will help you navigate this. These people don’t always have to be knowledgeable about transness either, it might be a co-worker who goes with you to HR to put a preferred name in the employee database, a cousin that always corrects family members on your pronouns, or a teacher that creates a safe space for you to be yourself in their classroom. Social transition, both fortunately and unfortunately, is also when people tend to make it very clear where they stand on trans people. It’s not your fault if they react badly.
Social Transition for Family and Friends
In this section I’m going to break down some common behaviors and conversations well-meaning cisgender people make that actually make it harder for trans men/mascs to successfully progress in their transition.
“Your transition is hard on me too, I’m grieving my *insert relationship here*.”
I get that transitioning is new not only for the trans man/masc in your life, but new for you as well. However, saying this to any trans person is a HUGE no-go. Why? They’re still alive! The trans man/masc in your life is not an entirely new person because they’re transitioning and treating their pre-transition self like they’re dead is rude as hell. I guarantee that they still like the same things as before they started transition and are the same person (but happier, healthier, and thriving).
“Why are you doing *insert thing you perceive as feminine here*? Men don’t like/do *insert thing you think is feminine here*.”
Like everyone else on earth, trans men/mascs have a wide range of hobbies, interests, likes, and dislikes. A good rule of thumb is if cis men do that activity too, you don’t have to ask why the trans man/masc in your life is doing that thing. Interests and hobbies aren’t gendered and treating them like they are will just push the trans perosn in your life away from the things they enjoy doing.
“Well if you’re a man now why do you-“
See previous question.
“You weren’t dysphoric about these things before transitioning so why are you dysphoric about them now? Are you regretting transitioning?”
Dysphoria is strange. Once you see dysphoria for what it is and acknowledge its existence, it can become easier to see which in turn can look like it’s coming on spontaneously. I never realized how dysphoric I was about my hips until I had handled my voice and chest dysphoria. It’s not that I never had hip dysphoria, it’s that there were other pressing matters beforehand.
“I don’t understand why *insert thing here* bothers you so much. That wouldn’t bother me.”
Ok, cool? Again, if you’re not trans, some of the things that can bother trans folks are going to seem incredibly unreasonable to you. Don’t downplay their feelings about that thing, it comes across as judgy and dismissive. You don’t have to understand everything about someone’s transition, you just have to be supportive.
“I feel like you’re jumping down my throat when you correct me on your name/pronouns.”
Again, okay? If someone pronounced your last name wrong would you correct them in the moment? Probably, right? So how’s this any different to that? If that metaphor doesn’t work for you imagine it like this. Your nickname is Sal. Everyone calls you that. No one uses your birth name which is Sally anymore, it’s all Sal. Now imagine someone who knows very well that you prefer Sal calls you Sally and when you go to say “Oh actually, it’s Sal” they get agitated, saying that you “jumped down their throat” and that they “wish you were more understanding and less sensitive about it all”. Now that’s not very nice, huh?
Now these are just a few examples, but they’re ones I’ve seen happen to others and ones that have happened to myself. It’s tough to hear, but the trans man/masc in your life doesn’t want to hear you complain, mourn, or be frustrated at their transition. It’s already hard enough for them and juggling your thoughts and feelings can hinder one’s progress through social transition.
Next week I’ll be covering the third and final installment of the Types of Transition series with our biggest article yet: Medical transition. Stay safe, and happy early Pride Month!
love to read your insights, so informative and easy to read. thanks for sharing!